Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Musings on Automobiles

I had an interesting conversation the other day with my bestie on the subject of cars. The conversation started after we were cut off by a bright yellow Hummer on our way to the market. I mouthed obscenities and yelled "Earth-Raper", though my efforts were thwarted due to the tinted, rolled up windows of the car that we rode in. My friend turned to look at me (narrowly avoiding the running over of a pedestrian) and with mouth agape, asked why I would say such a thing. And so it started. I began my rant by talking about the amount of pollution that is released by automobiles, and how this is contributing to the global climate change that we are experiencing (and that bastard fundamentalists deny). My friend then pressed me for a solution, so I gave my admittedly simplistic and unsophisticated answer: more eco-friendly cars, less huge trucks. I admit that this poorly thought out "solution" has many holes, but hear me out. First off, I would argue that eco-friendly cars have a more obvious positive effect on the environment than regular all-gas powered cars do. If I had the chance (as a high level government official or something) I would call for a sort of national recall on all gas powered automobiles. I would have a sort of mandate in order to have all families purchase an eco-friendly car. To facilitate this transition, I would create a government fund in order to subsidize families for their mandated purchase. Before this however, to avoid the perhaps apparent quasi-fascist elements of this, I would create a government controlled eco-friendly car company, providing cars at a low cost. This way, families wouldn't be forced into buying from a privately owned company. To further ease the cost on families, the company would have only a few basic designs without unnecessary features (bun-toasters). For those who wanted to keep expensive gas-guzzlers, I proposed taxing the shit out of them for their ego-fetish. After hearing this, my friend recoiled in horror. "What?!" she exclaimed. "So you're telling me that you want everyone driving the exact same car?". I responded that it would not and should not be a big deal. She insisted that the car that you own reveals a lot about the person's character, and argued that forcing everyone to drive the same car would affect the individuality of citizens. After I regained my breath from my outburst of laughter, I remained speechless. I could not understand why something as insignificant as a car design would stand in the way of preserving the earth for our future generations. I felt that it would be useless to continue the conversation, so I changed the subject.

Later during the day, the subject again reared its ugly head at my workplace. When I again gave my stance on the subject (as well as my proposed solution), I received the exact same amount of negative feedback. I was appalled. I do not understand why this thought was met with such resentment. I understand that there are flaws in this proposition, but the amount of care that is put into such material things is beyond me. I feel that selfish tendencies towards harmful commodities is part of what is holding us back from making the earth a better place. Is the appearance of our material necessities really that important? After all, if they are necessities, it should not matter what they look like or how "cool" they appear. To what extent is our materialist culture to blame? To what extent are we to blame? I don't want to come off as being a stereotypical hippie (not that there should be anything wrong with that), for I try to promote individuality as much as anyone else (whoohoo Burning Man!); but to what extent is a commodity tied to our individuality?

Whether you agree or disagree with my modest proposal, it should be unanimous that we have to do our best to protect our environment. I admit that my proposal may seem far-fetched or absurd, so for those of you that want to take immediate action, I have a simple and effective solution. All that is needed is a pair of socks. In order to stop so much pollutant from getting into the air, anytime you spot a Hummer or any other ridiculous earth-raping automobile, just grab a pair of socks and stick it into the exhaust pipe. That way, all that pollution won't go into the air! It is uncanny that this has never been attempted. Who knows, maybe the driver will eventually stop driving the damn contraption!

(DISCLAIMER)The ending statements are sarcastic and satirical, and do not actually promote harm towards earth-rapers of any kind. Just making sure that that is clear. DO NOT DO IT please. This was meant for lulz. This blog was guest written by Rodolfo's older brother (no pen name yet), and does not reflect the opinions of the Rodolfo or the blog site. All hate mail must be directed at the guest writer. Thank you.

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