Hi everyone. I have to be honest with all of you who
still open this blog up to check in on any content I may release. I feel it’s
my duty as a creator, and as a person to be honest with the way things are
going right now. My second semester has started today. It is the last semester
of high school for me, and it seems like everyone is up in arms and energized.
I am not energized; as a matter of fact, I am exhausted. My exhaustion reaches
beyond the academic realm and has made its way into my family life. Suddenly
the talks of what college I want to go to or what major I want to take are no
longer discussed, but argued. The things I find in my short life to give me
pleasure, or give me a moment of contentment are being criticized on occasion.
I think the thing that disturbs me the most are my dreams. I used to anticipate
going to bed because I would have dreams of pleasure, success, and dreams where
impossibilities become possible. Over the last couple of months, I have been
having dreams that have become more surreal as time goes on. Dreams where I’ll
be in my home with my girlfriend, calmly enjoying a film or a nice cup of
coffee, are interrupted by a knock at the door. Upon opening the door, I see an
old friend of mine standing there. Before even asking what she is doing there,
she forces her way into my home, and attempts to kill me. This is the basic
template of a dream I’ve had for about four times in the last week. Every time I
have this dream, something more and more bizarre occurs. In the most recent
rendition of this wild episode (just this past night) she was accompanied by
her boyfriend and a few unrecognizable people. The odd thing about these dreams
is that they never succeed in ending my life, for I always wake up before they
do. Upon waking up from the dream, I make an attempt to fall asleep, but I can’t.
So there I lay awake for hours until the morning comes. I don’t know why I’m
having these dreams, or why I can’t fall asleep, but it’s something that makes
one think what it really means to be grounded as an individual. I hope the
dreams end; I really do need my sleep.
P.E.N.T.C.I.
