Monday, September 28, 2015

What Dreams Hold

What Dreams Hold

By: Rodolfo Perez


I will lie awake at night,

Or not,

Perhaps I will sleep.

I will sleep and dream of us,

What we were,

And carry those images of my first.

But I now live a new life,

We both do.

At least, they are new until those shadowed deals are taken out.

Taken out of their dark corner,

And cast out on the people.

With my luck, it will come at my most bright moment.

I am a monster.

But, I’m not living like one,

And neither is she.

Embracing the Afterlife (UPDATE #14)

I love staying after school. Hi, by the way. I believe, and this is with the most respect, that when one stays in school after hours, it’s like a whole other building. I remember once, for a period of about 3 weeks, I would go out in the night to just see the side of darkness many aren’t able to experience. I saw the creatures of the night come out. I saw this side of Chicago I was never accustomed to because I would always be home by the time darkness fell on the city. I would do something ordinary, something one would do in the day-time. Things like shopping, eating, taking a walk downtown, all seemed so alien. When we would eat at a restaurant, the only people I would see would be individuals who were being stood up on a date, or a few people hunched over their meals, not really caring about how they ate or who was watching them eat. When we would go shopping, it would be these people, who hide behind their expensive clothing to shield their inner insecurities, who would be shopping. It seemed like they shopped without purpose, as if they would buy just because product was there. Walking downtown, there is artificial sunlight coming from neon signs and streetlamps. I would see the bums, the whores, and pimps going about their business like the men and women we are so used to seeing every working morning. This, I can relate to the way it is when I stay after school. Not in the way where I see prostitutes and bums going around, but I get to see people I hardly see in an average day of school. I get to see the freaks. Now before everyone reports this for being offensive, or you label me as a bad person, let me make two things very clear:

  1. I know I’m a bad person, so you don’t have to remind me.
  2. When I mean a “freak” I do not mean it in an offensive way. Allow me to explain…

Hey, I consider myself a freak. I have actions and thoughts that I have yet to encounter a person with the same thought process as me, and that’s not me being egotistical, that’s based off of the time I’ve spent in the world. I know that freak can be used as an insult, but I think of it as being a revolutionary. Some of the most influential people of our time, people like Karl Marx, Isaac Newton, even Jesus (The Man) were thought, at the time, to be weird, these guys were freaks, yet they influenced the world to this day! So when I say the freaks come out after school, I do not, at all, mean that in an offensive way. Moving on, I feel like the people who stay after school hold stories. Anybody can get up for school, fuck around a little in some classes, maybe do a little work, and go home; but it’s those who stay when they don’t need to are the people who hold a background. Some stay because they don’t want to go home, others stay because they don’t necessarily have a home to go to. When I stay after school, I get a feel for the true diversity that really exists in my school, and I believe that’s where the essence of not only inspiration, but of creativity stems from. I like getting characters from the people I meet in my life, and I think a “freak” does the trick. Too many people want to be these perfect human beings. We all want to have the same interests in order to stay relevant and be one with the culture, but I say to hell with that. I think people should create and embrace their own culture. I try to do that, I create my own way of doing activities, and I either prosper or suffer because of it. I may suffer, but at least I’ll be suffering because I was original. It's a struggle we, as conscious people, have to deal with, and that’s what I see when I stay afterschool to participate in the freakshow.


Thursday, September 3, 2015

Riverbank flower (Or understanding life by a bank)

Riverbank Flower (Or understanding life by a bank)
By: Rodolfo Perez
What say you, sweet riverbank flower?
Should you be left to die where you were first planted by the wind?
Or would you rather be preserved in a book to be remembered as a page number?
Tell me, sweet riverbank flower, what stories do you carry with you?
Do you enjoy being alone, surrounded by beauty?
I too am like you, riverbank flower.
I too am burdened by placement of where I was planted,
Only to be silenced by the water as it makes its way down to join the lake.
I suppose the river may flood one unfortunate day, don’t you think so sweet riverbank flower?
And you too will join the lake,
With the rest of the now unsweetened riverbank flowers.


Wednesday, September 2, 2015


Hello everyone and welcome to another edition of Me Talking. Well, first semester has started back up for me, and a small part of me is relieved. On one hand, I enjoy learning or at least having the illusion that I am learning from those who teach. On the other hand, it’s time for the late nights, scrambling to get an assignment finished or the constant fear of going under the radar I have set for myself in terms of grades. I will be frank with all of you. I have not gotten off to a good start with my math class. I know, it’s crazy to imagine, but it’s true. Anyways, one of the more interesting parts of my day would have to be the lunch hour. I’m not intrigued for the reasons you think. It’s not necessarily the idea of me siting in a room filled with hundreds of loud, strange teens that have no control over what they eat, say or the methods to which they conduct said activities. It’s the people that give me an almost infinite amount of personalities. I see all types of character in the room, and although I find some of these personalities to be rather amusing, I think as I make my way throughout the hour, I become saddened by the way some of the people are treated. Let me make it clear, I am not talking about racism or discrimination, but more of like a modernized, condensed, juvenile form of indenturement that can’t be pointed out loud. As I’m writing this I see a few examples of this. You have a boy or girl, perhaps younger than the rest of the people at his or her table, perhaps the seats are all filled, or perhaps there is only one space open. I have seen that in order for said boy or girl to receive the “respect” needed in order to sit down (I put respect in quotes because people at that age don’t really understand the concept in the first place by not allowing said individual to sit down) the individual would need to do a series or a single act or favor that fills the needs of the people sitting at that table. For example, let’s say there is a boy by the name of Jose. Now, Jose is not what you would call a social lad, so in a desperate attempt to find a seat, more importantly a friend, he makes the decision of sitting at a table with people whom he may or may not have known in his earlier years of school. Now, ladies and gentlemen, you have to assume that our buddy Jose here isn’t what you would consider to be one of the elite or reachable in terms of “appeal”. The table he chooses to sit at notices this. They may remember Jose, hell they might even like him, but they still have this false idea in their heads that they are entitled to leadership and because of this they send Jose away to get them something. Now this something almost always (at least from what I’ve seen) has been an object of food. Something like a juice, a sandwich, a bag of chips. Now, Jose gets them this object they desire in exchange for a right to sit down. Now here’s where the stupidity comes in. Jose gets them what they want, but they still DENY him. Now they attempt to pin the denial on a third party such as a lunch advisor or time, but Jose can’t do anything about it, he is forced to reconcile with his party after lunch. The group at the lunch table still doesn’t allow him to sit with them, but they still received payment in the juice or sandwich. Now I witnessed something similar to this just a few days ago while sitting at the table. At first, I felt something close to bad for the boy because he was being taken advantage of without him even knowing (or perhaps he did know) I nearly gave him my seat because he was just standing there looking like a pathetic person, but when I saw him come back with his lunch and I saw him give a girl his sandwich, I burst into something resembling laughter and coughing. I thought, if anyone was that naive in exchanging services for a hope, that person shouldn’t have my seat. I know it may be harsh, but giving something up for an assumption is borderline ridiculous. It’s not bullying because it’s voluntary, and that is what I think is the most offensive. You can’t really find a reason to feel bad for the guy, and that’s what the reality of it is.