Suisocial Tendencies (UPDATE #21)

Hello everyone and welcome to another edition of Me Talking. If there’s one thing so far that college has made me realize it’s how little I’ve grown in terms of social interaction. I mean, don’t get me wrong, of you were to have me write a speech or give a talk in front of a large group of people, I could do it, and I could do it well if I do say so myself. I’ve never had an issue being social in that aspect, but it’s what comes after the speech, or after that talk I find myself struggling with the most. I was told once by someone that my stance, and my facial expression give off an uninviting vibe and some (she meant most) people find that intimidating. I don’t mind being intimidating, but I don’t think of myself as a very intimidating person. I wake up in the morning. I eat a small breakfast. I go to school. I work. And I go home. That being said, why, since I have such a lifestyle so similar to those of my fellow peers, do I feel so alienated when it comes to being relatable? As I dug deeper into this thought I just became more confused as to what makes a conversation worth the time it takes to converse, and what makes someone want to talk to someone, and eventually have those two people become “friends”. I still don’t really know. I mean, in grade school, or even more recently in high school, you see a person wearing a shirt of a band you like, or you see someone whom you’ve had three classes in the same day with, and then you have something to work with, but does that still apply on college campuses? If it does, that kinda sucks. I’m so tired of that. I guess what I’m looking for from college right now (besides studying hard and doing well) is having a “real” conversation with an individual. Just starting a meaningful conversation that isn’t based on some common ground would be good, because I don’t think there needs to be common ground if it’s a real conversation. Kind of like a “My Dinner with Andre” thing, but rather than with old friends, with just some person. I feel as if I need this because I fear I’ve lost all socializing skills, and that’s pretty devastating.