BEING ALONE PT.2

IF YOU MISSED OUT, CLICK HERE FOR PART ONE

             When I was younger, I was terrified of being home alone. I mean, I would get scared of going upstairs by myself. It was my home, I went up those stairs 25 times a day, but there was something about going up those stairs when no one was around that made the experience nauseating. There was never anything up the stairs to greet me. No terrifying beast, no mammoth accident I was going to be blamed for, and no ambush waiting for me. Looking back, I think that’s what can make being alone so gloomy to some. It’s the feeling that something may be there for you, but at the front of your mind you know there will be nothing there. You almost WANT someone or something to be there. When I’m alone at home, or I’m the first one up, I find the silence sort of gentle. Do you guys have that feeling when you’re alone? When you find yourself alone it’s almost like the problems or worries you have are in your control. I don’t know maybe it’s because I have a rather large family, and pure quiet is a rarity, but when it’s quiet, it’s almost like letting go of that urge to make a sound to be heard. The weird thing is that in a more public environment we find silence to be such an awkward thing to have. For example, and I’m sure many of you who are reading this have experienced this, I was in class one day. We were assigned one of those web-quests I hate so much. That’s right, I said it. I HATE WEB-QUESTS. Anyway, that’s another topic for another post, we were supposed to work individually because the teacher felt the class was getting too off track when we work together. So, there we were, and it wasn’t completely quiet. There were a few people carrying on their own conversations. Then, it happened. Out of nowhere, everyone in the room just stopped talking. There was not one single voice nor sound in the whole room, for once, there was pure emptiness that filled the room. Or at least it was like that until some VERY observant person pointed out the event by stating “Wow, this is like, super awkward”. After saying that, everyone, almost as if it was their obligation, started talking. The teacher quickly shut us all up, but to this day I still ask the question. Why does silence, the absence of sound, give people such an odd feeling? At least in the public setting, I’ve noticed that people feel that they have to spit out as many words as they can as frequently as they can to avoid the pause many refer to as “the awkward moment”. I’m almost 90% sure that the people who feel silence is awkward don’t make any noise when they are alone, so why just because they are sitting next to someone or across from them, they feel they have to say something? I’ve tried to sort of experiment in some conversations whether it’s over the phone, on social media, and in person. I give some simple answers to their question, and try to keep the conversation as normal as possible. On the phone (most of the time) they usually start to rant or blabber on about some random topic, or they will say something unnecessary like “yeah, well, that’s life hehe” or “that’s the way the cookie crumbles”. On social media, they will bring up some random event. I feel on social media, it’s ten to twenty different topics all in one specific segment of time. You can almost see the desperation in the way they bring up these random topics just so they can keep what little of the conversation they have alive while I give my simple answers, and my simple questions. In person, I think, was the funniest experience of all. The other people would avoid eye contact, do random things on their phone or in some cases actually start to do their work. To wrap this up, I don’t see anything wrong with enjoying company without talking. I think maybe you can understand more from a person when they don’t speak then when they do. Isn’t that really the measure of who one is? Not what you do in a public setting like school or the mall because nobody (except for a few) goes out without putting on a mask, but when they are put in a situation where they are alone or they think they are alone. You really know when you find someone worth talking to when you’re able to enjoy the silence you have the ability to achieve. Being alone is one of the best and worst experiences one can have. THANK YOU FOR READING.

                  

                                                    P.E.N.T.C.I